Shaq alternately needs your money and tells you about how much money he spends on dumb things.
This story is actually two stories, both of which are about Shaquille O'Neal, NBA legend, part-owner of the Sacramento Kings, TNT analyst, and guy who for some reason is constantly a part of our lives.
PART ONE: SHAQUILLE O'NEAL SPENDS $1,000 A WEEK ON SMARTPHONE APPS
You might be wondering: how is this possible? Most smartphone apps cost, like, 1-3 dollars, $5 if they're super-extravagant. To spend $1,000 a week on smartphone apps, Shaq would have to spend over $100 a day, or, like, 40-50 apps. How does he do this?
"Last week I bought like 20 'Deer Hunter' games," said O'Neal in his interview with the Wall Street Journal. "I like hunting the deer on my phone. When I'm not working, I spend all of my money on apps."
Oh. Buying 20 deer hunting apps would do that. Although we're still kinda skeptical that he hits $1,000 a week. Then again, this is the same guy who says stuff like "IF DWIGHT HOWARD DOESN'T AVERAGE 30 AND 15 LIKE ME, HE SHOULDN'T BE AN ALL-STAR" even though he never ever ever averaged 30 or 15 himself. So he might be exaggerating.
PART TWO: SHAQ WANTS YOUR MONEY TO MAKE SHAQ FU 2
Remember the legendary fighting game Shaq Fu, which video game critics universally agree was awful but has nostalgic value because Shaq was in it? Shaq wants to make a sequel. Via our gaming site, Polygon:
"I'll admit it, Shaq Fu was a horrible game. I'm a huge fan of video games and want to have my name associated with a Shaq Fu game that I'm proud of and would like to play," said O'Neal in a press release today. "This is my second chance and it's even better this time since I'm able to partner with the fans to make this happen."
There's a trailer!
To do this, he wants your money: $450,000 of it, which he hopes to raise via Indiegogo.
We have a fundraising plan for Shaq Fu: DON'T SPEND $1,000 A WEEK ON SMARTPHONE APPS. Spend $5 a week on smartphone apps, like everybody else. Over the next nine years, you will raise enough money for this game. Also, you're a millionaire, and you don't need our money.