Everett Golson sought by mystery SEC team, but which one?

An academic suspension cost Everett Golson his 2013 season at Notre Dame, but while he isn't currently enrolled at the school, he said in a statement released Sunday that he does intend to return to the Irish in 2014. If he were to look elsewhere, he would have a lot of options. But he isn't, so we can all just put this thing to rest. Surely no school would--

This should go over well: One person close to #NotreDame program got a call from an SEC team today about Everett Golson. (No, not Ole Miss.)
— Brian Hamilton (@ChiTribHamilton) May 26, 2013

Oh, right, of course.

So at least one school in the SEC is still hunting for help at quarterback, and while Ole Miss has been ruled out, it nonetheless leaves plenty of possibilities, some more plausible than others. Let's see if we can peg our mystery Golson suitor from the SEC with some highly speculative speculation.

Alabama: A.J. McCarron is back, but even aside from that, we are nearing the point where Nick Saban won't even need a quarterback to win a national title because his defense will be capable of providing however many points he demands.

Auburn: The Tigers' quarterback situation is unsettled, and they definitely could use some help after whatever that was last year. But Gus Malzahn has some familiarity with the guys already on hand, and he's adding a junior college transfer this year.

Arkansas: You never forget your first Russell Wilson, and Bret Bielema sure hasn't. He benefited hugely from Wilson's transfer to Wisconsin and no doubt dreams of a repeat at Arkansas, except this time with a guy who has more than one year of eligibility remaining.

Florida: The Gators are just desperately seeking validation for Joker Phillips' Photoshop work wherever they can get it, so they may well have called, but it wouldn't have had anything to do with actual football things.

Georgia: The Bulldogs have Aaron Murray back for another year and thus no immediate need for Golson's services, but perhaps Mark Richt's staff is simply being proactive about 2014 and beyond. Nah, this is not our mystery team.

Kentucky: Mark Stoops only recently moved in and he can't find anything in the damned football offices, which appear to have gone unused for decades. He'll make recruiting calls once the phones work.

LSU: The Tigers only use quarterbacks who embody the Les Miles ideal of perfect football mediocrity.

Mississippi State: The Bulldogs tried to land Penn State transfer Steven Bench but failed to do so, making it very possible they were responsible for the phone call in question. And Golson would give Dan Mullen a quality mobile option for the spread offense. We can't say for certain, but it's definitely Mississippi State.

Missouri: James Franklin is back but didn't quite set the SEC on fire last season.

South Carolina: Jadeveon Clowney could handle the quarterback position in a pinch if the need arose.

Tennessee: The Volunteers need a replacement for Tyler Bray, but then again, they need replacements for a lot of things.

Texas A&M: No.

Vanderbilt: James Franklin doesn't use telephones because it's a poor format for hugging and otherwise celebrating with players, which is the only form of interpersonal communication he knows or understands.

The verdict: the strongest signs point to Mississippi State, and we'll go ahead and peg Arkansas as a distant No. 2 assuming that Bielema actually has talked himself into the notion that Everett Golson is Russell Wilson.